After three weeks of listening to Drew scream in misery, I finally broke down and took him to the doctor. We did everything we could leading up to this point; gas drops, gripe water, switching formulas, using filtered water instead of tap...everything....to no avail. I couldn't take it anymore and started breaking down mentally. My step mom was here to go with us, thankfully, and held a screaming Drew in the pediatrician's office the whole time, as I tearfully answered the doctor's questions. He was very thorough and determined that it was very possible that Drew had gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). He prescribed easy-dissolve Prevacid ($60!), told us to keep him on sensitive or soy formula for the spitting up, and to keep him upright for 30 minutes after he eats. We should expect changes within a week and so far just a couple of doses have made a difference. From what I understand, he'll either outgrow GERD or have to take medication for it for the rest of his life. We're just praying for peace in our household, no matter the cost. He goes back to the doctor for his two-month checkup on June 2nd.

Bounty Indeed!

My Bountiful Basket contained:

1 head of lettuce

2 cucumbers

3 squash

1 bag of baby carrots

6 avocados

3 oranges

9 peaches

1 bunch of bananas

9 tomatoes

1 container blackberries

1 container strawberries

10 apples

1 coconut

A friend of mine posted this blog post from a blog called My Frugal Lifestyle talking about a site called Bountiful Baskets on Facebook. I was definitely curious, so I took a chance and ordered a basket for $16.50 (there's also a $3.00 newbie fee). Basically, you "claim a basket" (up to three) by ordering with a credit card on their website (create a free account first), find the location nearest you, and go pick it up at the scheduled pick up time (using your own basket - I used a laundry basket). Each basket contains half fruit, half vegetables, all local (as possible) produce. They also offer organic produce if that's your thing and sometimes offer extras like bread and cake. I just ordered one regular basket, no extras, and received a definite bounty! You never know what you're going to get, so I was pleasantly surprised. So worth it! If you live in the Twin Falls area, Bountiful Baskets will be available again in two weeks. Check back then to claim your own basket, but do it quick - they're limited and go fast. I don't know what the schedule is like for other states, but I do know it's limited to Arizona, Utah, Wyoming, Texas, Idaho, Nevada, and Washington.

Seriously?

"Is that thing glued to your face or something, Mom?"

Photos

A couple of photos I snapped today with our new camera.

New Camera!

Matt just brought home our third baby. =)

Made some changes to what we wanted camera-wise, saved up some more, sold some stuff, and finally got our camera. Now to wait the two hours for the battery to charge...

Smilin'

Drew has been smiling "on purpose" since he turned a month, but I finally just caught it on camera for the first time the other day. He's a very smiley boy like his brother was. =)

Car & Camera Update

Well, we got our car back yesterday. It's back in one piece, I'm happy to report, but our savings (camera fund included) has a $643 hole in it, now. Ouch. The bill was up to $817, but some parts were cheaper than initially thought and the mechanic told us that the other repairs didn't necessarily need tending to right away. The cost of that repair would be $290, mostly for labor. So, we're going to be getting together with a mechanic friend and see if we can fix it for cheaper. Here's praying we don't do more harm than good.

So, obviously the camera idea still fell through, but I'm one bound and determined woman. I've been scraping together any funds I can get my hands on. I've been trying to sell my prints, my amigurumi critters, and I'm even holding a "Facebook yardsale" as we speak. Just a few unwanted items around the house that I'm offering up to my Facebook friends. So far, I've sold an old stereo, some books, and have had many offers on Robby (jokingly, I posted him for sale, also). At the moment, we're only $197 away from our goal! If anything, I know we'll have enough extra next payday (a week from tomorrow) to cover, so we may possibly be getting it then, Lord willing. We bounced back from our crisis quicker than I thought we would. My hope and goal is to get the camera and learn how to use it before our Church Camp in June. That would definitely be ideal, since all we have now is one SX10 and my pocket camera, the A2000. Since we've been asked to do the photography again this year, I want to be able to provide quality shots for them and if I have the chance to do it with a better camera, I'm definitely going to jump on the chance. Plus, it will be fun to really test the new camera's abilities. I'm very excited, but am afraid to get my hopes up again. Silly, I know, but I really do have a passion for the art. Was that a bit obvious? =)

Another Lesson Learned

We had saved for months. We sold one of our cameras to aid. The dream of finally owning our very first "legit" camera (a DSLR) was one step away from becoming real and boy - were we pumped. We could finally further our photographic passion and skill. The money was in our hot little hands and we were going to make that victorious trip into Best Buy the very next day...then the car started making odd noises.

 As soon as I heard it, that all-too-familiar lump hit my stomach. This ALWAYS happens, I thought bitterly. And it does seem to. Everytime we try to get ahead financially or save for something, the car takes a dive and requires all our extra funds. At first, it wasn't so bad. We had $350 in our Emergency Fund and the repairs thus far would cost us $326. We can still do this! I thought. It got worse. The more layers the mechanic peeled back, the higher the bill rose - and may still be rising at this moment, I might add. As it sits, we're at $697 in repairs on our $1300 car. Good-bye camera fund. It made my stomach churn to hear and think about. I sat there attempting to absorb everything after Matt updated me on the situation, hands together and fingers laced. In walks Robby, looking at me with those inquisitive eyes; those gears in his head always turning. Glancing down at my hands, he places his chubby hands together, looks at me, and asks innocently, "Prway?" I chuckled. "Oh no, honey. I'm not pra..." The words caught traction on my tongue. A chill ran down my spine. Should I be? We sat very quiet for a moment, staring at each other. "Yes. Let's pray." I watched him as he closed his eyes and bowed his head. I started to cry as I prayed out loud.

I repented for my poor attitude and selfishness and thanked the Lord for His gracious provision. If He hadn't of allowed us to save for our camera, we wouldn't of had the funds to fix our car. I had been so selfish once again, desiring passions for worldly things and my own ambitions rather than for the God that gave me not only life, but also eternal life. I see God's hand in all of this, now. My thoughts keep drifting back to the sermon on Sunday, speaking of creating our own personal idols and desiring things more than God. It struck me hard then, but it struck me even harder today. But yet I stand amazed. All in one fell swoop, the Lord taught me a lesson and blessed me at the same time. Trite in comparison, but I can maybe relate it to a parent giving their child a hug after scolding them. The child deserved to be disciplined and will be better for it, but the parent assures the child that they still care for them with affection. God used this situation to make me realize the error in my ways, but still chose to provide for us when He could have easily let us flounder. We surely would have been floundering; scrambling frantically for funds to fix our only reliable means of transportation. Completely undeserved, He still graciously provides for this little family day-in and day-out and especially during these out of the blue "catastrophes". Lesson learned, but still a hard pill to swallow, considering just how close we were. Will update later when I know more about the car.

This all comes on the shirt tails of a tough time with Drew. After listening to him fuss and scream over his food for about a week or so, we were quite worn and cranky. A dear friend clued us in on the possibility that he may be lactose intolerant - something I had no expounding knowledge on. I referred to my wonderful nurse step mother, who suggested we switch him to a formula for sensitive tummies. That night, we bought him lactose-free formula and the results were almost instantaneous. He hadn't slept more than two hours at a time the whole day and fought and fussed at almost every feeding, but as soon as he was finished eating a bottle of his new formula, he was peacefully asleep - and stayed that way for the next six hours. Now, he's a completely different child. Very happy and content and no more fussing during feedings. Even his horrible diaper rash, which I swear he was born with, finally went away. This tells me that he's probably had this issues for a lot longer than we thought, but it all came to a head just recently. I am so thankful for the knowledgeable people God has surrounded us with. Drew would probably still be suffering if it wasn't for them. That aside, Drew is doing really well and is thriving. He's almost outgrown some of his newborn clothes and has started smiling socially (smiling on purpose, if you will). He especially loves to smile, gurgle, and coo at us during the wee hours of the morning, which although I'm half there mentally, still makes me tear up. Those are sweet moments I never get tired of, even though I'm tired. =)

Baked Chicken-Bacon Alfredo Recipe

I found this recipe off of one of my favorite blogs, Our Best Bites. If you've never been to this blog before, please do. They have AWESOME recipes. We tried this one tonight with our dinner guests and it was a huge success! I think this recipe will be replacing my old chicken and broccoli alfredo, since it's way more exciting. You wouldn't think artichoke hearts would be good in a dish like this, let alone marinated ones, but it added a fantastic flavor to this dish that really made it delicious. I plan on making another pan (if we can eat through our leftovers from tonight) for our church's pot'faith' on Sunday. I left the links to some of their other recipes included in this recipe, although I used jarred sauce, rigatoni, store-bought garlic bread, and I doubled it and it was still wonderful.

Baked Chicken-Bacon Alfredo

8 oz. penne or bowtie pasta

1 recipe Guiltless Alfredo Sauce (1 16-oz. jar would work in a pinch)

2 chicken breasts, grilled and chopped (about 2 c. chopped chicken)

6 oz. (1/2 package) cooked bacon, chopped

1 14-oz. jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped

1/2 c. chopped green onions (about 1 decent-sized bunch)

1 c. shredded mozzarella cheese, divided

Salt and pepper, to taste

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Prepare pasta according to package directions.

3. While pasta is cooking, prepare Guiltless Alfredo sauce. When pasta is done, drain and add to the sauce. Toss with chopped chicken, bacon, artichoke hearts, green onions, and 1/2 c. mozzarella. Season to taste.

4. Transfer mixture to an 8x8" baking dish and sprinkle with remaining 1/2 c. mozzarella cheese. Cover with aluminum foil and bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until heated through and cheese is bubbly.

Serve with a green salad and breadsticks or a loaf of garlic bread made with Garlic Bread Seasoning.

One Month Old

I can't believe it's been a month already! And what a month it's been. Here's Drew's one-month pictures. As for an update, he's doing very well. He's a very sweet baby most of the time, but boy - he can be feisty if he's messed with in away he doesn't care for. And he'll let you know about it! Unfortunately, I can see myself in him more and more every day - including my temper and my big nose. Poor kid.

Oh, and although my husband thinks I'm nuts, I swear Drew smiled at me last night. And it wasn't a half awake/gas bubble smile. It looked legit to me!

Campbell's Kitchen Recipes

I'm definitely a huge fan of quick, easy, and cheap meals. I stumbled across Campbell's website - well, I knew it existed because I had visited it before, but now that they've revamped their look and updated their recipes, I've found myself coming back time after time for more recipes to try. I highly recommend giving them a peek. We've tried four of their recipes and all were incredibly simple and very tasty. Click on the banner above, create a free account, and enjoy.

The Past Three Weeks

Now that the baby powder has settled and the luster of having a new little one has worn off, real life has set in. The past three weeks have flown by in a sleep-deprived blur, but not without incidence, of course. The Lord has been gracious, but I won't sugar coat anything. It's been incredibly hard adjusting. Going into this, I knew it would be and it sent me into many a panic attack late at night when I was pregnant. Living it is something different, now. It's still definitely worth it and I love my job, but some days it seems like I'm one twitch away from a hug-me jacket. I think my biggest issue is the lack of sleep at night combined with running ragged all day. Drew still wakes up every three to four hours at night, and although I've caught myself snoozing through many feedings in my chair, it's the broken bits of sleep that are effecting me so poorly. Robby is attempting to settle into his place, but usually in the form of acting out for attention - which was to be expected from a child his age, but doesn't make things any easier. He demands much of my mental ability during the day, which, depending on how much sleep I've had during the night prior, varies from day to day. That mixed with hormone fluxes that are sending me into postpartum depression and some physical limitations of the recovery process from surgery, I've been a slight train wreck, lately. Slight to say the least, I suppose.

I had to give up on breastfeeding after two and half weeks because it was causing me great mental and emotional anguish and I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Not a hyperbole by any means. My supply was extremely low again, despite my best efforts - and I do mean best. I tried EVERYTHING, so before you suggest it, let me just answer you, now - yep, I tried that and it didn't work and we're all better off now that I've stopped. The stress and frustration towards the issue was causing everyone in the household nothing but strife. I have to say that I'm thankful and proud to say that I made it a week and a half longer than I did with Robby. I have nursed Drew for his comfort a few times after I officially threw in the burp rag, but I've stopped nursing and pumping regularly. I dreaded my WIC appointment last Friday, thinking for sure that they were going to rip me a new one for giving up, but even the WIC lady told me, "Just stop. You're doing more harm than good. You've done really good to go this far and you've done a lot for him in just the bit you have been able to breastfeed." I almost broke down in front of her. It was the first time anyone assured me that it was okay to stop instead of judge me because I wasn't trying hard enough. She also told me that not all women are built like Holsteins and I'm probably just not wired that way. It could very well be a hormonal or even physiological problem with me. Either way, I really do believe now that the problem with breastfeeding I have is definitely legit and was causing nothing but tears on both sides. Stopping has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. It did cause me to feel that familiar feeling of failure once more and envy towards those moms who don't have this problem and actually enjoy the time spent nursing their babies. Two babies under my belt and it's been nothing but a horrid, dreaded experience.

Poor Robby and I have been clashing badly. The combination of my rampant hormones and his acting out are not boding well. I feel terrible because I'm sure I've been lashing out at him in order to vent some of my frustrations - never in physical form, I assure you. CPS need not apply here. I've just been biting at him a lot lately and it seems like the only time we've gotten together is just me taking care of his necessities and snapping at him. I feel like a total jerk. It took poor Robby ending up with croup yesterday for me to realize that I need to spend more one-on-one time with him. He was so sick and just wanted comfort, but unfortunately his brother was taking up a lot of my time yesterday. I tried my best to juggle and ended up with both of them on my lap at once, despite my aching stitches. I have to say it was the hardest day for me since Drew was born, but we all survived. Last night was really rough too, as Robby woke up a few times freaking out over not being able to breathe. I ended up only getting three or four hours worth of broken sleep. Although I'm running on fumes today, I'm trying my best to endure until Matt gets home, relying on strength and patience from the Lord and an extra cup of coffee. Matt was dear enough to run to Target last night and buy a humidifier for Robby, which seemed to comfort him last night. If I haven't said it enough before, I'll say it again - I really don't deserve that man. He has done far beyond his fair share these past few weeks. Other than venting frustrations and illnesses, Robby is incredibly eager to help out with Drew and is very affectionate towards him. We try to encourage both by keeping him as involved as possible. His special task of choice (not even kidding) is running diapers to the trash. You can always count on him to make sure they are taken care of post-haste, as he'll point to the wrapped pocket of poo and ask, "Away?"

So, to sum up my experience as a new mom-of-two: we're surviving, but only by God's good grace. It's been stressful and difficult, but only some of the time. It seems to go to the extremes - it's either completely peaceful or all Hell breaks loose. Never in between. It's stretching me and growing me in ways I never imagined, but all in good ways in the end. I'm having to rely on God's strength rather than my own. I'm realizing that I can't do it all and it's not wrong to ask for help, despite what my pride tells me. It's been quite a roller coaster, that's for sure, but I slowly start to see my hands easing their grip on the bar ever so slightly as the days progress. I'm confident that someday I'll be able to lift my arms up high and enjoy the ride fearlessly. Until then, prayers are appreciated.

Rough Night

Please pray for the poor tot. We're having pacifier withdrawals. Breaking his binky habit has been tough for him, but it was time.

Brothers

Fortunate for me, Robby was feeling rather affectionate towards his little brother today. Rob did this on his own accord and thought it was hilarious that Drew kept grabbing his face.

I am so very blessed to be their mama.

Hard Work

"Eating is exhausting, but oh-so worth it."

Drew's Keepsake

Finally started and finished Drew's keepsake. I don't know how I feel about it, yet. Not what I envisioned, but cute nevertheless. The things I decide to waste my time on. Click to enlarge.

Moms: Overwhelmed?

My dear friend, Lark, did the devotional at my baby shower last night. She used a post from a blog called The Stay-at-Home Missionary. It was outstanding and incredibly moving. Enjoy and be encouraged.

---

We feel overwhelmed.

Have you ever felt that way as a mother? Ha, I can't remember the last time I didn't feel overwhelmed!

But the good news is that we cannot do it ourselves.

2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I would rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 3:5, "Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything form ourselves, but our adequacy is from God."

Yes, the calling is high, but He has given us Himself!

Are you weary?

Matthew 11:28, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."

Isaiah 40:29, "He gives strength to the weary and to him who lacks might, He increases power..."

The Lord loves mothers. He loves you and He loves your children. He wants you to fall into His arms and find rest. He is El Shaddai- our refuge and our strength.

He wants to comfort you, care for you, strengthen you, and whisper words of love into your ear and give you the strength to carry on.

This isn't about striving harder and doing or being more- this is you releasing yourself to Him and watching Him take over. It's exhausting, I know. I'm not minimizing this. Take care of yourself, but also realize that motherhood is all about sacrifice....dying to ourselves. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed because we feel that it isn't fair that we have to give up so much....and we do.

So, during those times where we feel hopelessly overwhelmed what can keep us going?

"Inspirational historical models may provide a temporary enthusiasm, but a mother of dominion needs something more. Otherwise, the grueling day and night demands of crying infants, filthy bottoms, vomit-soaked blankets, strong-willed naughtiness, physical exhaustion, dull routine, deferred gratifications, lack of recognition, cultural criticism, and personal disillusionment will bring the work of her hands to a grinding halt.

There she sits, exhausted on the edge of her bed, her face in her hands, wondering, 'Where is the glory in this?' She needs something more empowering to keep her going.

She needs to gain and maintain the deep conviction of the glory, honor, and nobility of selfless service. This she finds at the foot of the cross, looking up to the One who earned for Himself, 'the name that is above every name' by emptying Himself, taking the form of a bond servant. There she beholds her Savior, who mopped up the damning vomit of her own sin with the precious sponge of His perfect life and atoning death. The love of Christ constrains and compels her to press on. The Spirit of Christ empowers her." Womanly Dominion, pg. 120

So, today when you feel overwhelmed (and you will), take it to Him lay your burdens at His feet, and ask for His strength to carry on.

Very Long Day

It was a very long day yesterday...

Drew's Checkup Update

Just a quick update on Drew's checkup today. He weighed a whopping 7 lbs., 6 oz. - three ounces more than his birth weight and definitely a plus. The doctor was very impressed by his weight, color, and overall health. He did note that Drew had two blocked eye ducts that would require treatment in the form of massage and ointment. Easy fix. I raised my concern about his tongue tie. The doctor did agree that he did have it, but it was completely up to us if we wanted to correct it or not. Unfortunately, he told me that there's only two times during a child's life where they can tell if tongue tie is going to effect the child - now, when they might have issues eating and when they're older and it effects their speech. Please pray for guidance and discernment for Matt and I as we decide on what to do. Other than that, Drew is doing fantastic and already well on his way to be a big boy like his brother! Praise God for his mercies and blessings!

Robby's Keepsake

I may not be able to scrapbook, but I do know how to Photoshop. I plan on making one of these for Andrew, printing and framing them, and hanging them up in the boys' room. Definitely a fun project! Click to enlarge.