We had saved for months. We sold one of our cameras to aid. The dream of finally owning our very first "legit" camera (a DSLR) was one step away from becoming real and boy - were we pumped. We could finally further our photographic passion and skill. The money was in our hot little hands and we were going to make that victorious trip into Best Buy the very next day...then the car started making odd noises.As soon as I heard it, that all-too-familiar lump hit my stomach. This ALWAYS happens, I thought bitterly. And it does seem to. Everytime we try to get ahead financially or save for something, the car takes a dive and requires all our extra funds. At first, it wasn't so bad. We had $350 in our Emergency Fund and the repairs thus far would cost us $326. We can still do this! I thought. It got worse. The more layers the mechanic peeled back, the higher the bill rose - and may still be rising at this moment, I might add. As it sits, we're at $697 in repairs on our $1300 car. Good-bye camera fund. It made my stomach churn to hear and think about. I sat there attempting to absorb everything after Matt updated me on the situation, hands together and fingers laced. In walks Robby, looking at me with those inquisitive eyes; those gears in his head always turning. Glancing down at my hands, he places his chubby hands together, looks at me, and asks innocently, "Prway?" I chuckled. "Oh no, honey. I'm not pra..." The words caught traction on my tongue. A chill ran down my spine. Should I be? We sat very quiet for a moment, staring at each other. "Yes. Let's pray." I watched him as he closed his eyes and bowed his head. I started to cry as I prayed out loud.
I repented for my poor attitude and selfishness and thanked the Lord for His gracious provision. If He hadn't of allowed us to save for our camera, we wouldn't of had the funds to fix our car. I had been so selfish once again, desiring passions for worldly things and my own ambitions rather than for the God that gave me not only life, but also eternal life. I see God's hand in all of this, now. My thoughts keep drifting back to the sermon on Sunday, speaking of creating our own personal idols and desiring things more than God. It struck me hard then, but it struck me even harder today. But yet I stand amazed. All in one fell swoop, the Lord taught me a lesson and blessed me at the same time. Trite in comparison, but I can maybe relate it to a parent giving their child a hug after scolding them. The child deserved to be disciplined and will be better for it, but the parent assures the child that they still care for them with affection. God used this situation to make me realize the error in my ways, but still chose to provide for us when He could have easily let us flounder. We surely would have been floundering; scrambling frantically for funds to fix our only reliable means of transportation. Completely undeserved, He still graciously provides for this little family day-in and day-out and especially during these out of the blue "catastrophes". Lesson learned, but still a hard pill to swallow, considering just how close we were. Will update later when I know more about the car.
This all comes on the shirt tails of a tough time with Drew. After listening to him fuss and scream over his food for about a week or so, we were quite worn and cranky. A dear friend clued us in on the possibility that he may be lactose intolerant - something I had no expounding knowledge on. I referred to my wonderful nurse step mother, who suggested we switch him to a formula for sensitive tummies. That night, we bought him lactose-free formula and the results were almost instantaneous. He hadn't slept more than two hours at a time the whole day and fought and fussed at almost every feeding, but as soon as he was finished eating a bottle of his new formula, he was peacefully asleep - and stayed that way for the next six hours. Now, he's a completely different child. Very happy and content and no more fussing during feedings. Even his horrible diaper rash, which I swear he was born with, finally went away. This tells me that he's probably had this issues for a lot longer than we thought, but it all came to a head just recently. I am so thankful for the knowledgeable people God has surrounded us with. Drew would probably still be suffering if it wasn't for them. That aside, Drew is doing really well and is thriving. He's almost outgrown some of his newborn clothes and has started smiling socially (smiling on purpose, if you will). He especially loves to smile, gurgle, and coo at us during the wee hours of the morning, which although I'm half there mentally, still makes me tear up. Those are sweet moments I never get tired of, even though I'm tired. =)
