I'm not the most consistent or motivated person in the world. If you've been following this blog for long, you already know that. I get lazy, distracted, and bored very easily. I'm ashamed to admit that, but I do know that there's many people out there like myself. Yes, chores like dishes and scrubbing the bathroom will always wait for you, but when it comes to my daily walk as a Christian, and, in turn, a mom and wife, that's when things get a little dicey.I am sure of my salvation. I don't question that by any means. I also fully understand that we're saved by grace alone, not works, but I have witnessed firsthand the power of daily prayer and study of the word. At first, when I started to read my bible every day, it was more of a chore than a joy, I'll admit. Sadly, my heart wasn't in it. I saw it as no different than any of my other chores - just another part of my morning routine. Something I HAD to do to "prove" I was a Christian and to get my "super-spiritual" husband off my back. The problem was I had the completely wrong perspective on bible reading. Matt has an excellent analogy on this. Where he got it from, I can't remember, but it's effective:
Imagine you had written 66 love letters to your spouse or loved one. You put your all into these letters, making sure to include every detail you wanted to convey to your beloved. Later, you find out that your beloved hasn't read even one letter - they haven't even opened the envelopes! You ask them why and they make many excuses, such as "I got busy", "I was too tired", or "I had something better to do". Wouldn't you be incredibly hurt? Heartbroken? Perhaps even angry? And rightly so!
What if the Author of those letters was also the One who gave you life and breath when He didn't have to? Who sacrificed His only son for all your sins? Who calls you to repentance so you could be saved? God created His bible for His beloved - believers who are saved by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. The Bible is 66 books, inspired by God Himself, written by 40 men, over a span of 1,500 years...and we treat it as nothing more than a chore. A hindrance. Part of the facade of the hypocritical Christian. God is perfectly justified in His frustration with us!
This was the realization I have come to just recently. I've been saved for over two years and I'm just NOW realizing the true importance of the word. I took bible reading and study at face-value and just "went through the motions", but quickly found excuses not to even do that. Shame on me! I've faced my convictions head-on with nothing but repentance. So far over the past couple of weeks, I've managed to keep up on my reading on a daily basis with the right heart, but I do admit that I spent last week stumbling and it was noticeable. I'm not claiming that there's any magical cure for our sinful nature - nothing will change the fact that we're sinners from the womb. Only the power of God's grace can save us from being condemned by that sin, but I do notice a definite difference in my attitude, perspective, and daily walk when I'm in the word and when I'm not - especially with my job as a mother and a wife.
Last week, Robby was sick. He was cranky and miserable and tending to him proved to be more difficult because I was tired and uncomfortable because, well - I'm pregnant. I read my bible every day except for one. The first part of the week, when Rob first became sick, I was able to be compassionate, patient, and selfless towards my son's needs, but as the week drug on, my heart became distracted and my reading turned shorter and less enthusiastic. It was as if my eyes were reading, but my brain had checked-out. Each day, I became more distracted and less Christ-like. It all came to an ugly head on Friday, when I didn't read at all. I stopped conversing with God, both through His word and through prayer and I was a monster! I was selfish, lazy, temperamental, irrational, careless, and heartless towards both my son and my husband needlessly. As trying as my week was, I sure wasn't trying at all to imitate Christ to help the situation. In short, it ended up being a miserable week for all of us - especially poor Robby. He was just a sick little boy, not understanding why he didn't feel well and why Mama was flying off the handle at him. Again, shame on me! To my boys - I beg your forgiveness. Thankfully, the promise of time spent with my boys lightened my spirits on Friday evening and I was able to regroup over the weekend.
There is a big difference in my attitude and behavior when I'm diligently and heartily reading God's word every day. I'm able to look at life's everyday trials through God's holy eyes instead of my own sinful ones. I'm able to stay calm, controlled, understanding, compassionate, patient, loving, and, overall, pleasant towards my husband, son, and others. I am by no means perfect. I don't claim to be, but that shows even more the power of God working in my daily life; convicting me, teaching me, and shaping me through His Holy Spirit to be more like His son, Jesus Christ. Any good you see in me is ONLY because of God. I know what I'm capable of on my own and it's never anything I'd consider to be anywhere near "good". I desire to be, firstly, a better servant to Him and a better wife and mother to my boys. That can only be achieved through prayer and reading and following of the word on a daily basis.
We are nothing more than weak, sinful, empty vessels on our own. No one knows that better than myself. I pray that God fills me with His righteousness and holiness through His Spirit and His word until the day He calls me Home. May I always focus and be motivated to glorify Him in all I do and say. I pray the same for you and I hope my meager words have motivated and encouraged you in your daily walk.
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." - 1 Corinthians 10:31
