I'm behind. Ugh.
Week 15's topic was "Movement". I was hoping for something slightly more thought-out, but it just didn't happen. This was just a casual shot of the boys playing in the yard one lovely evening last week. Despite it being not-particularly-warm weather, Drew insisted on letting Daddy soak him with the hose as he was watering the lawn. Crazy kid.
This one was timely.
Long story short, I haven't seen my birth mother in almost 13 years. Before that, it was very hit and miss. Things were never good when she was in the picture and I had a lot of resentment towards her. I liked to blame her for all my heartache and troubles growing up.
Fast forward to Easter weekend this year. I get handed one of her letters. She's been in prison for the last three years; this doesn't shock me at all. She's been in and out of prison several times over the course of her lifetime. Usually her letters are disjointed and random, but this one was very different. She actually sounded...remorseful. Coherent. Something I've never experienced from her - ever. It shook me to my very core.
So many times I've regretted not writing her; even more times I regretted not sharing the Gospel with her. If ever a lost soul was in need of saving grace, it was her. But I drug my sinful feet. I put it off. "She's too far gone to understand, " I justified. Not far from the truth. A life of drugs and alcohol have completely fried her brain. She'd never understand.
Or would she? I set out to write her a letter.
It was the hardest letter I've ever had to write. I spent a great deal of time praying over it; stopping and praying some more. I had to get this just right. It might be my only chance. In the midst of it, I started seeing my mom for what she truly was - a sinner just like me; not the super villain of my life story.
I cried. No, I bawled in repentance. Instead of seeing the monster that had washed her hands of me years ago, I saw her as a broken lost soul, no different than I was.
And then I did something I've struggled with for years. I forgave her and changed my perspective.
Praying for hearts to be softened and eyes to be opened. May God be glorified.
